


Next of Kin

by pencilguin



Series: Culmets Celebration Week [5]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: (of course we know they're not really dead), Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, mentions of character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27079156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: [set at the end of S2, no spoilers for S3]The Discovery jumped into the future, but according to Starfleet, the ship was destroyed in battle. How do those they had to leave behind cope with the loss?For Culmets Celebration 2020Theme: Culmets's Relationships With (the Crew and) Those They Left Behind
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Series: Culmets Celebration Week [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988299
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22
Collections: Culmets Celebration 2020





	Next of Kin

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Cygfa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cygfa) for beta reading this. 
> 
> I'm a day late and maybe not 100% on point for the theme, but anyway. Please enjoy!  
> I hope you won't mind the original characters. I promise they're lovely people.

Elli presses the button to play the message again, having lost count of how many times.

 _“Hey there! Uhm, I… guess there is no easy or elegant way to say this. I know you were_ shocked _when I told all of you that I was going to join Starfleet — you most of all. I... know how scared you’ve been for me, for all this time. I haven’t forgotten when you told me your greatest fear was to one day get a message like this from me. And I — I’m sorry for how I responded, back then. Anyway, the reason I’m recording this now is that I’m about to go on a very special mission very shortly, and it’s… Fuck, Elli. I wish I could tell you everything, but we don’t have much time and it’s_ super _classified, of course. In classic Starfleet fashion.”_

A half-amused scoff.

 _“All I can tell you is this: It’s stupidly dangerous, and there’s a very,_ very _high chance that I’m not going to make…”_

A pause, deep breath.

 _“That I’m going to die. I’ve had a lot of time to think about death and dying, I know you know that. And I think I’m finally getting to a point where I can_ see _what I wasn’t able to accept before. Anyway — I want you to know that I’m doing this for you. For all of you — you and Mom and Dad and all of my friends back home and across the galaxy, and uncle Everett and aunt Sarah and her squadron of cats. But most of all, for you. You’re my best friend. And you always could translate Mom and Dad to me, and vice versa, even though I still don’t know what Dad’s talking about half the time.”_

Another scoff.

_“I know you think I was their favorite, but I’m just louder.”_

Chuckling.

_“They love you so much. They would do anything for you. I… this is the last, greatest thing I can do for you. To save the lives of the people I love.”_

Another, long pause.

_“Hugh is…”_

Pause.

_“He’s not coming along for this. I wish we could have figured things out between us, but we just had one last talk and he’s moving on so —”_

Pause.

_“I’m glad that he’s going to be safe, even though I miss him more than I can bear.”_

The last word trails off, sounding choked. Elli’s not watching the accompanying video right now, just replaying the audio. But the memory of it, the wet sheen of tears in deep blue eyes, vividly comes back to mind.

_“Maybe this makes me a coward, but I… I couldn’t record a message to him. I don’t know what to say that wouldn’t make things worse. But… If you ever happen to see him… Actually, never mind. I just hope that he’s happy.”_

One more pause.

_“We don’t have much time left, so I’ll try to wrap it up. I love you, Elli. I know I should have told you this much sooner, and much more often, but you’re the best big sister anyone could ever have. And I’m so sorry, because I know I’m going to make you cry, and that’s my only regret in doing this. If you can find comfort in this, please just remember that life is eternal, and the universe is a beautiful, complex thing where everything is connected and nothing ever really ends. And in a way, I’m just going to a far, far away place that’s just a bit out of reach, but I’m going to be okay. I’ll keep you in my heart always. Take care, and follow your dreams. I’ll check.”_

Finally, a wink and a smile. Audible and genuine and real and familiar and warm.

_“I love you. Goodbye.”_

_“End of personal message for Eleanor Stamets.”_

Elli takes a deep breath before she slips the audio transmitter back into her pocket and moves from the spot where she paused on the sidewalk, too caught up in the recorded message and the emotions welling up in the wake of it. After a quick wipe of her eyes, she crosses the street to the café that is her current destination. The woman she is meeting is already sitting at a table outside. They exchange smiles and a brief wave of their hands.

When Elli arrives at the table, Daniéla Culber gets up from her chair and removes her sunglasses before pulling her into a long, tight hug, which she returns.

After a slightly shaky exhale, Elli mutters into her long, dark hair, “Dany. It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too.”

The embrace lasts longer than she expected, but she soaks in all of the comfort she can find in it. Only when their position starts to get awkward and uncomfortable to hold much longer, with one of the chairs still standing half between their legs, do they finally let go and sit down. A waiter walks up to them and takes their coffee orders.

“So,” Elli begins, “you got my voice message.” She didn’t want to bother Dany with a direct call, never knowing quite for sure when she might be too occupied with her work to answer. So she simply recorded a message, explaining the visit from Starfleet that her family received two days ago, along with the goodbye message from her little brother that she just listened to again before arriving here. She asked Dany if they’d heard back from Hugh yet and if so how he was doing, swallowing a lump in her throat at the memory of Paul’s words: _“I wish we could have figured things out between us…”_ She knows that, despite being friends with his sister, she would always remind Hugh of Paul, so she decided against trying to contact him directly.

The two sisters had met for the first time at the rather busy and chaotic clashing of their two families — two worlds, in a way — at a First Contact Day celebration years ago but, despite the couple of years’s age difference between them and their wildly different life circumstances, had clicked on a friendly basis and stayed in touch ever since. So reaching out to Dany seemed like the logical choice to make sure Paul’s partner — _No, ex-partner_ , she painfully reminds herself — was okay and to inquire if she knew anything more about this final mission of Paul’s. _Final mission…_ Even the mere thought of it stings.

Surprisingly, the response to her inquiry was a simple text message asking if they could meet up this afternoon at their favorite café, so of course Elli had agreed and stepped into the transporter that same afternoon which would take her to the nearest hub, the café only a few minutes away on foot.

“I did,” Dany replies. “And I was very surprised by it.” Something heavy settles into her voice. Elli frowns.

“I don’t understand.”

The waiter returns with their cups. After they’ve left and Dany has picked up her spoon and stirred sugar into her coffee, she looks up again. “Elli, Hugh didn’t stay.”

“What?”

“He — he went with them.” On her face is a mix of emotions that she’s evidently struggling to hold back. “We got… He sent along one message for the family. It was very short and it sounded like he was in a hurry. He just — just told us that he changed his mind and that he was going on this mission with the rest of the ship’s crew to save the galaxy or something.” There’s something like a choked snort at the end of it, and all Elli can do is echo it in a kind of relieved disbelief.

“Always something like that with those Starfleet folks, isn’t it?”

Dany chuckles. “Yeah…” She holds on to her cup with both hands for a while, staring into the distance, before she speaks again. “He said that he chose Paul. That, in the end, he… couldn’t bear the thought of never being able to see him again. Of potentially having missed his last chance for them to try and start over. He — he realized that he still loved him, despite all of his doubts after — after coming back.”

Tears are running down her cheeks now, one of them drips into the coffee. Her shoulders tremble, as do the hands on her cup. Elli reaches out and puts a hand on top of hers, her own eyes stinging with tears all the same.

“I miss him… I miss him so much. I’ll never be able to see him again. I — I wanted to tell him that I’m pregnant again, that Raúl and I have finally found a perfect little house just outside Mayagüez and that we’d love for him and Paul to come visit us the next time they’re home… I… I kept hoping that these two would sort their shit out because they’re perfect for each other and I couldn’t believe that they would ever break up. But the — the officer said…” Her voice breaks off.

Elli squeezes her hand a little tighter. “I know, baby.”

“She said the ship blew up.” Dany’s voice is quiet and almost monotone, save for the ragged quality to it. “I already lost my big brother once. I don’t know how I… how we’re gonna make it through this again.”

Her body is shaking with sobs again and Elli can’t bear the sight. When the news of Hugh’s death reached his family about a year ago Dany was a mess. Elli did all she could to be there for her until one day, out of the blue, came the news that Hugh was still alive. Or had died and returned. It was confusing; Paul had tried to explain to her what happened but he’d always been the science kid of the family, not her. Either way, she’s determined to do the same now, even with her own grief and loss. She pushes her chair around so she sits next to Dany and can put her arm around her, providing physical comfort where words fail her. They just sit in silence like this for a while, with the afternoon sun gentle on their skin.

A memory resurfaces in Elli’s mind, of the first time she met Hugh Culber many, many years ago. After hearing that her prickly, workaholic baby brother had finally met someone again, she was admittedly a little sceptical. The last memories of heartbreak had been from years ago, but their scars ran deep. She’s also keenly aware, like only older siblings can be, that Paul is a piece of work and not always the easiest person to deal with, as much as she loves him just the way he is. Few people so far have been dedicated enough to do the same. But as it turned out, Hugh was one of them, and surprisingly — or maybe not at all, who knows — he was easygoing, kind-hearted and compassionate just as much as he was brilliant, witty and brave. Not to mention objectively the most handsome boyfriend her brother ever had. ( _“Do you know if he has a sister, by any chance?” — “Four, actually. But as far as I know, none of them are gay, sorry.” — “That’s statistically unlikely.” — “So are we.” — “Touché.”_ )

Hugh and Paul were both visiting Earth, and Paul had invited him to meet Elli and their mom for dinner at one of their favorite restaurants. The evening went incredibly well, and Hugh had won their hearts over by storm, but he had to excuse himself in the middle of one of Paul’s tangents about his work back on Deneva to take a call outside, so as not to disturb their conversation. The call seemed to have taken some time and when Elli had to go to the restroom and, upon returning, saw him still standing outside the door, she snuck out to check on him.

“Everything okay?”

Hugh jumped a little at the unexpected company, but his face was quickly taken over by his usual warm, genuine smile. “Yes — yes, all good. Just a call from my family that took a little longer, but nothing bad happened.” He hesitated and his smile turned a little nervous. “And then taking a moment to catch my breath.”

“You don’t need to be scared of us,” Elli responded with a smile of her own. “You’re doing great so far. Mom’s ready to adopt you already.” Hugh chuckled. “And Paul…”

They both let their eyes wander through the window of the restaurant, to their table where Paul was still talking animatedly, gesturing with his hands like he tended to do when the subject matter was something close to his heart. Their mother was listening with a fond expression as her son seemed as wholeheartedly excited as he possibly could be.

“He loves you so much.”

Hugh glanced over at her, and in the dim light she thought she saw him blush a little. Instead of responding to her he said, “He’s so cute when he gets excited about his mushrooms.”

That actually made her laugh out loud, leaving him frowning at her. “He’s not talking about mushrooms, dummy.” She gave him a warm smile that softened her words. “If he was, Mom would have zoned out long ago and not be hanging on his every word like that. He’s talking about _you_.”

That surprised Hugh. He turned to look at Paul again, and Elli could see the realization dawn on his face. He smiled.

“I really love him, too.”

Elli pointed at the door. “Then let’s go back inside and not keep him waiting.”

The realization of never seeing Paul again — of never seeing either of them again — hits Elli once more as she snaps out of her memories, and it stings just as painfully as before.

_But maybe… maybe there is hope._

“Dany,” she says slowly, unsure how much of this hope she should allow, or how much would only wound them more. “Paul said something… in his message to me. I — I don’t know, maybe it’s nothing. Maybe he really just wanted me to feel better about all this, but…”

She seeks Dany’s eyes for a hint as to whether she should continue or not. _Go on_ , she finds, in the widening of her eyes and the almost imperceptible nod of her head.

“He told me that the mission was classified, which sounds a little suspicious all on its own. But he also said that… ‘If you can find comfort in this, please just remember that life is eternal, and the universe is a beautiful, complex thing where everything is connected and nothing ever really ends. And in a way, I’m just going to a far, far away place that’s just a bit out of reach, but I’m going to be okay.’” She recites the words with ease, every single one committed to memory after listening to them countless times.

Dany’s eyes have grown even wider at her speech, and she’s now staring into the distance, processing what she just heard.

“I think he was trying to give me a hint,” Elli continues quietly. “Maybe they didn’t die. Maybe the ship ended up somewhere else — in another dimension or another galaxy or another time or — or something like that… As crazy as it sounds… I think that’s what I keep holding on to. I want to believe that they’re okay. And, after what you told me, that… that they’re both together again… and happy.”

“Yes…” Dany whispers. Her eyes are still red when she lifts her head to look up at Elli. “Thank you for telling me. I want to believe that too.”

**Author's Note:**

> The flashback scene with Hugh at the restaurant is one that I've been wanting to write for a long time, and I'm glad that I finally found a place where it fits in.


End file.
